my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
