Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
