Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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