The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
