I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize