I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
now i know why i became what i already was.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
