What a fucking waste of an outfit
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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