Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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