Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
