my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Randomize
