no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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