I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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