so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
