he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
