we're chasing vodka with high fives
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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