I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
