There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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