Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
