I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
