i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize