you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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