if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
