i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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