I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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