Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
