im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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