I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
