She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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