take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
