If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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