I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
