When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
worst night to have a conscience
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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