garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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