"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
