I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize