my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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