My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
