Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
