The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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