dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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