I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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