I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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