return my video game
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
