So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
