can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
