Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
