If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
