The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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