He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
