There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
