I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
