feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
