Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
