We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
smell my finger.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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