today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
