It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
