I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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