Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
