epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
