can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
