Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he puts the penis in happiness.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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