So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
