eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
