On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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